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Caleb Avery
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Anzahl der Beiträge : 48
Anmeldedatum : 26.11.14

BeitragThema: Random Plot Generator   Sa Dez 26, 2015 10:50 pm

Cowardly Alien

A Screenplay by moi
EXT. VASQUEZ ROCKS - AFTERNOON

Smart author MR JACK DONAHUE is arguing with patient hairdresser MR BARTY CROUCH JR.. JACK tries to hug BARTY but he shakes him off.

JACK
Please Barty, don't leave me.
BARTY
I'm sorry Jack, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
JACK
I am such a person!
BARTY frowns.

BARTY
I'm sorry, Jack. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.
BARTY leaves.

JACK sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, bold gardener MISS ROEL SALEM barges in looking flustered.

JACK
Goodness, Roel! Is everything okay?
ROEL
I'm afraid not.
JACK
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
ROEL
It's ... an alien ... I saw an evil alien eat a bunch of elderly gents!
JACK
Defenseless elderly gents?
ROEL
Yes, defenseless elderly gents!
JACK
Bloomin' heck, Roel! We've got to do something.
ROEL
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
JACK
You can start by telling me where this happened.
ROEL
I was...
ROEL fans herself and begins to wheeze.

JACK
Focus Roel, focus! Where did it happen?
ROEL
Hatfield House! That's right - Hatfield House!
JACK springs up and begins to run.


EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

JACK rushes along the street, followed by ROEL. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.


INT. HATFIELD HOUSE - SHORTLY AFTER

KENNY ANDERSON a cowardly alien terrorises two elderly gents.

JACK, closely followed by ROEL, rushes towards KENNY, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

ROEL
What is is? What's the matter?
JACK
That's not just any old alien, that's Kenny Anderson!
ROEL
Who's Kenny Anderson?
JACK
Who's Kenny Anderson? Who's Kenny Anderson? Only the most cowardly alien in the universe!
ROEL
Blinkin' knickers, Jack! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cowardly alien in the universe!
JACK
You can say that again.
ROEL
Blinkin' knickers, Jack! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most cowardly alien in the universe!
JACK
I'm going to need rifles, lots of rifles.
Kenny turns and sees Jack and Roel. He grins an evil grin.

KENNY
Jack Donahue, we meet again.
ROEL
You've met?
JACK
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young JACK is sitting in a park listening to some indie music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees KENNY. He takes off his headphones.

KENNY
Would you like some barley sugar?
JACK's eyes light up, but then he studies KENNY more closely, and looks uneasy.

JACK
I don't know, you look kind of cowardly.
KENNY
Me? No. I'm not cowardly. I'm the least cowardly alien in the world.
JACK
Wait, you're a alien?
JACK runs away, screaming.


INT. HATFIELD HOUSE - PRESENT DAY

KENNY
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
ROEL
(To JACK) You ran away?
JACK
(To ROEL) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?
JACK turns to KENNY.

JACK
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!
JACK runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

JACK
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with rifles.
KENNY
I'm not scared of you.
JACK
You should be.

EXT. CHIPPEWA SQUARE - LATER THAT DAY

JACK and ROEL walk around searching for something.

JACK
I feel sure I left my rifles somewhere around here.
ROEL
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly rifles.
JACK
You know nothing Roel Salem.
ROEL
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.
Suddenly, KENNY appears, holding a pair of rifles.

KENNY
Looking for something?
ROEL
Crikey, Jack, he's got your rifles.
JACK
Tell me something I don't already know!
ROEL
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
JACK
I know that already!
ROEL
I still wear nappies.
KENNY
(appalled) Dude!
While KENNY is looking at ROEL with disgust, JACK lunges forward and grabs his deadly rifles. He wields them, triumphantly.

JACK
Prepare to die, you cowardly turnip!
KENNY
No please! All I did was eat a bunch of elderly gents!
BARTY enters, unseen by any of the others.

JACK
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly gents were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Jack Donahue defender of innocent elderly gents.
KENNY
Don't hurt me! Please!
JACK
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these rifles on you right away!
KENNY
Because Jack, I am your father.
JACK looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

JACK
No you're not!
KENNY
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
KENNY tries to grab the rifles but JACK dodges out of the way.

JACK
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?
Unexpectedly, KENNY slumps to the ground.

ROEL
Did he just faint?
JACK
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly rifles.
JACK crouches over KENNY's body.

ROEL
Be careful, Jack. It could be a trick.
JACK
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Kenny Anderson is dead!
JACK
What?
JACK
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.
ROEL claps her hands.

ROEL
So your rifles did save the day, after all.
BARTY steps forward.

BARTY
Is it true? Did you kill the cowardly alien?
JACK
Barty how long have you been...?
BARTY puts his arm around JACK.

BARTY
Long enough.
JACK
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Kenny Anderson.
BARTY
Then the elderly gents are safe?
JACK
It does seem that way!
A crowd of vulnerable elderly gents enter, looking relived.

BARTY
You are their hero.
The elderly gents bow to JACK.

JACK
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Kenny Anderson will never eat elderly gents ever again, is enough for me.
BARTY
You are humble as well as brave!
One of the elderly gents passes JACK a tinkling pendant

BARTY
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
JACK
I couldn't possibly.
Pause.

JACK
Well, if you insist.
JACK takes the pendant.

JACK
Thank you.
The elderly gents bow their heads once more, and leave.

JACK turns to BARTY.

JACK
Does this mean you want me back?
BARTY
Oh, Jack, of course I want you back!
JACK smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

JACK
Well you can't have me.
BARTY
WHAT?
JACK
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a alien to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
BARTY
But...
JACK
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Roel.
ROEL grins.

BARTY
But...
ROEL
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
BARTY
Jack?
JACK
I'm sorry Barty, but I think you should skidaddle.
BARTY leaves.

ROEL turns to JACK.

ROEL
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?
JACK
Of course you are!
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly ROEL stops.

ROEL
When I said I still wear nappies, you know I was just trying to distract the alien don't you?
THE END
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